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Thread: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

  1. #21
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    My grades are sent in and I jotted down some notes as well. I will.be doing 5 random reviews this week, and bullet points for the rest, if I have time on Friday. Wont have not access tomorrow but I plan on beginning to write the CC tomorrow after work. Fun times on their way!

  2. #22
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Jason Randall: First things first, I really enjoyed how many people this week began a promo looking at their Desert Storm match and delving/dwelling into that as an opener. Like its easy to just move on from losses, and promo about the individual match. But there's always a lot of character work that can be done with engaging and talking about a loss. Cyrus did it, I hope I effectively did it, and you've done it here to open your promo. It can be a real natural opener to a promo, that can then lead onto other things. In this instance it was the statement of Randall being "On the outside looking in on the title picture". I really enjoy these sort of introspective promos, these promos that are something more than just a promo for an individual match in a way, and are about building upon your character. Like its easy to write your character as essentially like a modern WWE babyface where they have no flaws, no problems, no bad days. But there's so much more material in addressing setbacks, and simply put it can lead to a really strong and purposeful promo if its about building the character back up from a loss.

    The middle scene of the promo was a prime example of this. Building on the loss, and using it to develop the character of Jason Randall. Making the need to win important. Making the need to win about more than just winning a match. And the third scene built upon that further, and also tied everything back together with the line about Randall "being on the outside, looking in". This was a fun babyface promo. And I have to say, going forward I want to write Gabby as a more traditional babyface as opposed to the eternally arrogant Goddess babyface she has been, and your work with Jason every show is one of the people I'll use for inspiration for that. You write a genuinely good and relatable babyface. He has setbacks, but constant ambition and desire to be something special, but also has his doubts, and his insecurities. Jason is everything you want in a Pro Wrestling babyface.





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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Quote Originally Posted by ETE View Post
    Kayden Knox: I know you're a fan of quality over quantity, and tend to prefer to get everything you want done in a shorter promo. But this was the perfect example of quantity with quality. A match like CC calls for a bigger promo, there's a lot to address, there's a lot of material, a lot of potential and there's guaranteed to be at least several fantastic promos. To have a serious crack at winning the CC match, you need quantity, you need a promo like this. A promo that I can honestly say at least as far as I've seen and read, this is your best promo.

    I've said it before about most of your promos, but you do a great job of giving them a certain 'voice'. There's something unique about the way you write your characters, and in a way make them come to life. Make them feel like more than just a Wrestler, you define who they are as a character as opposed to just a gimmick really well. This was a great example of that, and you really went in depth in that regard. In building upon who Kayden is, and who Kayden was. It was a nice character building introduction, and backstory upon the Kayden and AJ relationship, and what has brought the former Sterling Jagger to this point as Kayden Knox.

    With matches like Carnal Contendership, there's really two different directions you can take with your promo. There's taking the time to address every opponent whether in depth or short, or there's the option where you make it all about the character themselves, and what Carnal Contendership means to them as opposed to dissecting the various opponents. I've always been a fan of the second option. Often, at least to me when you take the time to run through every opponent things can lose their flow and become a bit jerky. You need a 'vehicle' or plot device to lead you from opponent to opponent, as simply listing them and talking about them is always an awkward read. But I digress, when it came to the focusing on the task at hand its the option you took, and I will say its probably the best way I've seen this handled. And I think that's because of the AJ Drake character. I'm a big fan of straight up Managers/voice pieces like this. I like the visual image/thought of someone doing all the talking, or most of the talking for a character. I know not everyone is, but there's a certain strength in your primary character not wasting their time talking, if it suits the character and the dynamic between lead character and manager. I feel like AJ doing all the talking with Kayden in the background is enough to give it some flow. Its AJ's role to talk for Kayden, its AJ's role to handle that side of the business and to talk trash. Its also bolstered by how strongly you defined the character and his ambitions, his determination in this promo before you got to to actually addressing the match and opponents.

    I want to echo Sayers comments as well. IF and it may not even matter, if you don't win don't be discouraged, this is the sort of direction, strong character, quality and quantity that makes great promos. This is your 'Dave Sullivan' promo if you will, a turning point, and a statement piece.

    You belong in this match, and even bigger matches.
    Thanks man i still feel like I dont deserve too be in the match but I wanted to give it all put in my best foot make it feel like im better then people think you know I dont think ill win like I said but, Knox charcter i feel is close to me. I got some demons that I have been dealing with for years and every word that comes from his mouth from the mouth of Drake are my feelings from parts of my life. My saddness, my anger, my rage, my ups and downs Knox is just kind of who I am. There is a reason I came up with "Afflicted" nickname its just who I am.

    Spoiler:


    CWA World Heavyweight Champion
    Brayden Bridges




  4. #24
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Quote Originally Posted by OMB View Post
    Thanks man i still feel like I dont deserve too be in the match but I wanted to give it all put in my best foot make it feel like im better then people think you know I dont think ill win like I said but, Knox charcter i feel is close to me. I got some demons that I have been dealing with for years and every word that comes from his mouth from the mouth of Drake are my feelings from parts of my life. My saddness, my anger, my rage, my ups and downs Knox is just kind of who I am. There is a reason I came up with "Afflicted" nickname its just who I am.
    That makes things deeper and more poignant if Kayden is a way for you to vent and deal with real life shit. I wont delve into what those ups and downs are beyond just saying its good for to have a way to deal with the ups and downs of life in this way, its good to have an outlet.





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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Nova Diamond: I've been meaning to review one of your promos for a while, because I always really enjoy reading them. You've got a good grip on just who and what you want Nova to be. He's a well established character, with well defined characteristics. I liked the setting for this promo, because I feel like it embodies so much about Nova, just the setting is a big boost to Nova Diamonds personality because its very much something that would feed ones ego. Being touted as this big acquisition, and shown off like that. And within that you defined different roles and different reactions from the people around him. Some the audience love seeing him, some are indifferent. Atticus just wants a nice, professional speech, while Jason can go along with all the flair and drama. It was a good way to further showcase Nova's ego and confidence, because he's ultimately indifferent to all of that, and is just about doing and saying what he wants while enjoying being this prized acquisition. Also in a sort of corporate, professional setting it a gave you a good vehicle to go through the Carnal Contendership field. Its easy to have a slideshow and go through the list of opponents. It feels natural in this setting, whereas the same slideshow method can feel really out of place in a typical setting.

    Great work. As I said Nova is a fun character to read, you know the voice you want to give him and do so really well.





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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Cyrus Truth: I want to preface this by saying that everything about this was absolutely phenomenal. No one and I mean absolutely no one in this fed sets a scene with the intrinsic details that you do. I can close my eyes and literally picture myself in that scene, seeing the exact same thing that Cyrus sees, to the most inconsequential detail. It's a true talent that I wish you could teach me, but I honestly think that's just god given talent. I think the thing that I love the most about Cyrus, as a character, though, is also the thing that I hate most about him. He sticks to his convictions almost to a fault. Very resistant to change. So I think that him dropping his title to Sullivan, and sort of having a kryptonite to this character, is a perfect opportunity to show a little vulnerability and maybe an opportunity for a small change and some self-doubt. I would have liked to see a little bit more of that, as this was the perfect opportunity to give him a bit of an underdog story. Cyrus wouldn't have necessarily had to see himself as the underdog, but maybe give a hint that a part of him feels that way and he would never show it. So it's a little that I disagree with the direction you took here from a personal standpoint than anything else. I think the opportunity for a bit of freshening up was missed here.

    I loved the theme of the promo, even if it is a callback to one you did a few years ago at CC. The terracottas and the way you had Cyrus battling through them like the warrior that he is, fit the character and the general feel of the promo. The best thing I can say about your promos is just how absolutely well written they are. How well everything flows, how you don't neglect the scene once you start your dialogue yet it doesn't feel choppy. You have perhaps more than anyone a tremendous vocabulary and a mastery of the English language. In terms of quality, character work, and grammar, I really can't fault you, but there is one area in which I can, and it's starting to become a big sticking point with me.

    I'm starting to feel like most Cyrus Truth promos are reading the same. Similar scenes, similar themes, similar dialogue. From a technical writing standpoint, your game is impeccable. What I want to see more of from you right now, is more creativity. I want to see you break the mold. Think outside the box. I'm issuing a personal challenge to you right now, Cyrus, if you read this, to show me your creative side in your next promo. Not that this wasn't creative, but I feel like it's a lot of what we've seen before. So when I say creative, I mean, I'd like to see something that's maybe a bit out of your comfort zone. Show me something different. And may God have mercy on your next opponent, because I truly think a motivated Cyrus Truth who's just been given something to prove, is going to be even harder to beat than usual. I hope I didn't come across as too negative. I really did like this promo alot. It's a World Championship quality promo from you as always, but I'm being honest with you, and trying to tell you what I'm personally looking for here from ya: Just sprinkle in something out of left field every now and then.

    Kayden Knox: As I've said, I truly believe this is by far the best promo you've ever done. I don't know if you're walking out winning Carnal Contendership, but I know that you proved you not only belong but that you have what it takes to compete much higher on the card. Let me tell you: From the comments I've read in here, and the talk in the modchat, your work did NOT go unnoticed. OMB, this is what we've wanted to see from you. Character development just oozed from this promo.AJ Drake is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters in the FWA full stop, and Kayden Knox is going to reek all the benefit of it. This whole interview/promo...it just...it felt genuine. And that's because it WAS genuine. I think I told you this before, but your biggest problem was that you kept choosing CHARACTERS in the FWA that pigeon holed you, and that you couldn't truly identify with. You just needed to find someone you could relate to...you needed to become you. I just...I can't say enough good things about this promo from that aspect.

    However, there are a fair amount of spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors in the promo. Do you type these out on Word? You could utilize spell check, grammar check, or maybe just give it a quick once over before you post. Because if you keep posting promos with this kind of authenticity, you'll just need to perfect this area to be off to the races. And while I love the Cheshire Cat Clan, if it being in your best interest to focus on one means dropping the others, I'd be down for that if it means we get this kind of stuff from Kayden Knox.

    Mike Parr: I've read this promo legit four times. The first time I read it, I enjoyed it. I loved the quality of it, enjoyed the freshness of it, as it's a slightly different direction for Parr, and I liked, for some odd reason, that Parr seems to be more focused on reclaiming *his* title, from a man he hates as much as Sullivan. It was different, in a good way. I do think, although I'm not sure, that you held back a little, and I think that may have been on purpose. Perhaps you're seeing the forest through the trees. Perhaps I'm way off the mark, here. I think the reason I read this so many times, was because what there was was SO GOOD that I got to the end and I was like...."Oh, okay.". I just think it ended a bit too early, and while I don't like saying that you need to run through a list of opponents, I think that there was a lot more opportunity to talk about the match in itself that just never happened. This was an outstanding promo at setting things up for the future, and I'm excited about the future of Mike Parr because of this promo. Really strong promo, and a frontrunner for a winning promo overall. I guess the ending just left a sour taste in my mouth, and only because I wanted more. Still, a very strong promo and I'm only one of three here. I do think that you're just missing that one hot angle/rivalry for you to REALLY sink your teeth to and get passionate about in a promo and that's on us to get you that opportunity. If you don't win CC, I think we have a strong plan B for you in your near future to set off what could be a great feud. All the grades aren't in yet, as I'm typing this, and let me tell you...you're very much in the running to win this thing.

    More to come tomorrow.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Mike Parr: I think it'd be fair to say that right now the FWA is as exciting as it's ever been from a competition standpoint, among other things. And Mike Parr is one of the characters who really exemplifies why. We have an established group of Main Eventers, former, and current World Champions at the top of the heap. But there isn't really a step back down to the next 'group' of writers. The Nova's, Garcia's, etc of the roster, and Mike Parr are all right there. The Main Event scene is less of a 'club' thesedays because of writers like yourself who can knock off anyone.

    I really enjoyed the premise to this promo, and it almost continues this overarching theme throughout many of the CC promos where people are addressing failures, and losses, and then building on something from there. Like I really enjoyed the idea of Mike Parr having to "answer" for what he's done in not delivering on expectations. I've said it before but it is easy to write like everything is constantly fine and just be that WWE Babyface character where nothing affects your character ever. But there's so much more that can be done in addressing the setbacks, and losses. This piece had a real depth to it, particularly early on when Mike was being cross examined and asked about his intentions and how he see's himself. There was some powerful questions and statements in this. Ones that make the Mike Parr character more than just a generic cocky heel as he had to look within himself and see what he truly wanted for and thought of himself. Then his control of the room, and taking the moment to make it all about him in a different way built him back up from that. The trial was about his failures, but you turned it into a statement about what he wants to achieve.





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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Mike Verlander: Like said before, this was a introduction promo to the character. It was on the short side however, and very bare bones formatting wise. Some color, and bolding/italics will make it go a long way.

    Kayden Knox:
    This was your best promo by far. Very top notch stuff all around in regards to character development and setting. I can tell you put a lot of time and work into this, which goes a long way for promos. However, and this is something that I got feedback on when I wrote a promo to this extent way way back in the day...like in the 2012 days. There are promos that are just too short and get knocked for that...and then there are promos that are just too long sometimes too. It's kind of like writing a speaking presentation...I remember in college we had to talk for a specific time period, not just minimum but maximum, and we lost points if it went over. Generally, I'd say a really quality promo in the FWA is around 3000-4000 words. Once you get into the 5000-7000 range, it's really hard to keep the reader engaged. But it's really great to see that you CAN go this distance.

    Eli Black: This was a nice intro promo to Eli Black, but like said before one of my gripes is the underlined text. Formatting takes some time to experiment with and see what's right. I've tinkered with the way I format my promos many of times to find the right middle ground. I like your ability to set a quality scene and your character dialog. Just work off this base and keep building.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    I just realised that on the one week everyone is given an extension, only one person actually needed to use it...

    Chesire Cat Clan: You've created this separate little Universe that all the characters involved with CCC exist in. Crafter them their own little World where the supporting cast to Nova, Crowe and Alice are equally important and integral to what they're doing. Thats the big takeaway to this promo. Its not just about the main trio, its about everyone around them, even a talking blue caterpillar.





  10. #30
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Quote Originally Posted by ETE View Post
    I just realised that on the one week everyone is given an extension, only one person actually needed to use it...

    Chesire Cat Clan: You've created this separate little Universe that all the characters involved with CCC exist in. Crafter them their own little World where the supporting cast to Nova, Crowe and Alice are equally important and integral to what they're doing. Thats the big takeaway to this promo. Its not just about the main trio, its about everyone around them, even a talking blue caterpillar.
    Yea i hope tp extend it to next week

    Spoiler:


    CWA World Heavyweight Champion
    Brayden Bridges




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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Apologies for missing the deadline I had alot going on





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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Undisputed Alliance: Writing a good and constant back and forth can be tricky. Making the speech between two people discussing a Wrestling match feel natural and like people talking can be tricky at times, at least in my opinion. You need to find that balance between a conversation, and a wrestling promo to make it really flow. I feel like you did a good job of that here, the speech between them was organic enough that it felt like a conversation while still being a promo. They were able to address the match, address the opponents and still converse about it well enough.

    I did though find it to be a little clunky at times, in the descriptive / action parts. I felt like the descriptions of what they're doing was a little too short, and not actually descriptive enough. They were just very matter of a fact statements as opposed to setting a scene and adding to the promo. I think it was even more jarring because your Jason Randall promo didn't have the same issue.





  13. #33
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    The Wave: I think this is a solid introductory promo. It gets across the personalities of the trio, the head, the brains, the muscle, so to say. And I like that every member is approaching their debut in a different way, but still united all the same - Johnny Devlin's going over the tag team moves that work best with his partner, Ashley Bell's scouted ahead about the team you're facing for strategy as well as a good pep talk, and Andre Mack's content to sit back and listen, absorb the information as presented, before popping in with a liner to pop the trio. I get the feeling that the trio are aware that they'll be seen as rookies or newbies and are eager to dispatch with that idea post haste. Overall, it's an enjoyable read for some new characters, and I'm eager to see what's next for The Wave.

    Mike Valander: It's fairly short, but I can get the general idea of what you're going for - a jovial fellow returning after a long absence, with an affinity for being a predator of nature, so to say, with the fishing and the hunting lines said as a threat to FWA. I'd like to see a bit more next time, take the time to tidy up, add some color. There's potential, just needs some polish.

    Eli Black: Oooh, I dig the third-person person approach. Instantly from that character trait alone it's established how highly Eli thinks of himself. And I like how the miracle birth of Eli sets the tone for the basis of Eli's character - through sheer will, he survived, and through sheer will, he'll go as far as he can in life. It's a strong motivation for his character. If I have any advice, it's the same I gave to Valander - tidy up, proofread. Color if you want to. Maybe re-think the underlining, a constant underline through a large paragraph can be hard on the eyes.


    CWA: A Decade of Decadence
    Maybe the end of something great.
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    Stay tuned.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Quote Originally Posted by ETE View Post
    Undisputed Alliance: Writing a good and constant back and forth can be tricky. Making the speech between two people discussing a Wrestling match feel natural and like people talking can be tricky at times, at least in my opinion. You need to find that balance between a conversation, and a wrestling promo to make it really flow. I feel like you did a good job of that here, the speech between them was organic enough that it felt like a conversation while still being a promo. They were able to address the match, address the opponents and still converse about it well enough.

    I did though find it to be a little clunky at times, in the descriptive / action parts. I felt like the descriptions of what they're doing was a little too short, and not actually descriptive enough. They were just very matter of a fact statements as opposed to setting a scene and adding to the promo. I think it was even more jarring because your Jason Randall promo didn't have the same issue.
    Yeah, it wasn’t my best work with them. I had something in mind and what I wrote is what came out of that. Definitely not what I had envisioned, and it didn’t help my laptop was giving me mouse issues so I wasn’t able to format it the way I wanted.

    The Wave: Decent introduction promo, helped us get a bit of a feel for how the characters act. I’m looking forward to seeing more from them and something more to sink my teeth into. Again, this was decent enough for an introduction.

    Mike Valander: Basic as a promo can get but it does introduce your character. I just would have liked to have learned a little more about Mike and dived a little deeper into it, hopefully we can get more out of him in the coming weeks.

    Kayden Knox: Others have said it but it bears repeating, you do deserve to be in this match OMB. This was a real good, real solid promo. I like how you’ve changed the character from what was meant as a joke to this serious character that has an edge with a massive chip on his shoulder. I hope to see more from you like this.


    Rest in power, Flock U
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    Krash: To put it simply, Krash is one of the best pure babyfaces we've got in the FWA. Krash, Golden and Randall are the standouts in this regard, when it comes to being a more traditional, stand up babyface, while Cyrus and Gabby have alot more ego.

    This was another promo that really went in depth on Desert Storm and a loss suffered there. I've already said it in another review but I really did enjoy these promos that begin in the immediate aftermath of a loss. It was almost the theme of this show in a way. It connects things more to have the characters dwell upon a loss, especially a big loss as opposed to just moving on from it instantly. I thought whole opening passage was really good, the terms, and descriptive way you described the end of the match, and what Krash was thinking. It made him a better babyface as well, to show that he felt bad about having to try and choke Devin out to get the win. Krash isn't that sort of person. And then from there, describing Garcia's post match attack gave the Krash character some real depth. Which is something you've done all along, he isn't just a gimmick. He's a person with family, friends, flaws and needs. Lumping the opponents together in certain categories is my preferred method of going through the field in a match like this. Its a more flowing read as opposed to just running through the list of names and critiquing them.

    To go back to Krash as a standout babyface, this was exemplified when the topic turned to Garcia, because Krash's comments were tough, were serious, and tinged with disdain, but it was still a babyface saying these things. It was still a 'Hero' it never felt like Krash was crossing over into heelish territory; to arrogance, bravado, etc to tear into Garcia. Its a tricky thing to be able to do. For example Babyface Gabrielle very easily crosses over into full of herself bitch Gabrielle, its the way I write her and I feel the Goddess gimmick excused that. But you write a strong, determined babyface that doesn't have to display those kind of qualities, and thats impressive.





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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD 11/15/2019

    I wanted to review these promos together because they're telling the same story, as in its not really about the CC match, it is all about Michael vs Devin. I really enjoy this feud, even just so far, I love the idea of these two being forced to work together for so long. Forced to put up with each other. Devin is everything Michael loathes, and vice versa, but they had to sit there and take shots at each other for months, but ultimately be civil. But now they can just go ahead and kick each others asses.

    Devin Golden: The other great babyface of the FWA. You really know how to write a likeable character, a relatable character, someone that it is so easy to root for and want him to succeed. Devin Golden is a character that makes you want to see him win, because he seems like such a stand up guy. I did like the honest approach you took to this match in kayfabe. Luck plays so much of a role in winning this match, so Devin isn't confident of his victory but he'll try his best to win it. Thats that sort of babyface fire that people love.

    Michael Garcia: The Michael Garcia character has evolved so much, and you have grown so much as a writer. Not that you were ever bad, but what you're writing thesedays is head and shoulders above what you were writing in 2015 when I was last around. This was a very Michael Garcia promo, and in that I mean it really suits the character. The flashback to a young Garcia, and how those people in time become motivation for Michael to be an even bigger bastard. Its like everything that has every happened to him motivates him to be a prick. At least thats the sense I get from it. But this was deeper than that as well, Michael talking about his lack of 'success', lack of making people fear him because he hasn't got the accolades to make him seem like a threat on paper was a really great few paragraphs. Shows that while Michael does love hurting people and being an asshole he also wants that success, its multiple factors driving him to win.





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