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Thread: Mental Health Discussion

  1. #381
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Well it's obvious your dad has an issue with accepting your sexuality so for me you are doing the right thing. You've tried talking about it etc so i'm not really sure what else you can to do be honest. I would look at doing your best by your brothers too, could you "put up" with him until he accepts the situation for your little brothers sake?
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  2. #382
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Sorry to hear about this man, it must be a really difficult situation to find yourself in. I think you have done the thing that would have the most effect and you’ve left it up to him now and whether he will be willing to change and accept who you are. You just need to remember that you haven’t done anything wrong and you’re allowed to feel how you feel and be who you are.

    However, as Baldrick suggests, is it something that you’d be able to put up with for the sake of your brothers? Only saying this as it isn’t fair to either you or them that your dad’s actions are preventing you from spending time with them.

  3. #383
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I'm not sure to be honest. One part of me is like "you need to focus on yourself and make sure you're okay before dealing with this" and the other part is like "you have an obligation as a big brother to be there for them, even if your dad's a cunt." I don't know, it's a big fuckin mess haha

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  4. #384
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaddes View Post
    Hey, so I don't really know if this can be posted here, so I apologise if it's not really fitting. I'm sorry if this is rambling but there's just a lot on my mind right now so yeah, sorry:

    I have recently fallen out with dad because I felt hurt looking back at his attitude towards me. Me and my dad before this were really close, but over the last few weeks I had grown more resentful to the way he would act and say certain things about my sexuality.

    I'm bisexual. Outside of here, I'm what loads of people would consider a stereotypical arty gay. Y'know, listens to The Smiths, adores RuPaul's Drag Race and has bouts of self-loathing I have known about me being bisexual since at least 14-15 years old, but even though I live in a very rough area, I was always more upset about my family finding out than my classmates. In fact, someone tried to make fun of me by calling me gay, and my response was to wink & say "Fuck aye." That was me coming out for the first time.

    Anyway, a section of my classmates tried to rip the hole out of me on Facebook, commenting on my pictures, and I would respond being overly flirty, because it'd piss them off and I can fend for myself combat-wise. My dad read the comments and his reaction was like I stole £1000 off him and spent it all on crack. He didn't speak to me the rest of the day, then when he finally did, he first tried to tell me bisexuality wasn't a thing, and then tried to stop me seeing me girlfriend at the time because he thought that because her brother was gay, it was "rubbing off on me." At one point at a new years party, he got drunk and, out of nowhere starting ranting about f****ts & "ladyboys" and how they should all die. Obviously, I went upstairs crying and needed my older brother to sit with me for 2 hours because I couldn't breathe.

    He apologised afterwards, but occasionally he would make sly digs at me at family gatherings, at one point when I joked to my 16 year old sister about me sleeping with guys (me & my sister would always joke around by calling each other virgins) and my dad said "don't talk to her about that shite." Plus there was little things like fast forwarding 2 men kissing, calling them freaks, and calling my sister's ex-boyfriend a "nancy boy" because he's bisexual as well.

    2 weeks ago, I pulled my dad up about it and explained how I was feeling and that I can't deal with him treating me like that anymore. He first tried to ignore what I was feeling, brushing it off as him expressing his opinion, said I need to learn to "accept other people's worldviews," said that because he didn't disown me he did nothing wrong, then berated me for not having a job. After I left, he messaged me while drunk, accusing me of cheating and again saying he treated me fine because the only form of homophobic parent is the one that cuts them out their lives. I decided that I'm never going to speak to him again until he apologises to me for how he's acted.

    I feel like my own dad hates me. The worst thing is, I have 2 little brothers that I want to be close to and I want to have a relationship with, but I feel like by obligation I need to speak to my dad, which I'd rather not. I dunno. I feel like I'm abandoning my brothers, because they're 5 years and 3 months old respectively, they don't know what's going on. All their going to know is all of a sudden their older brother has stopped coming round. That's not fair on them. But at the same time, my dad makes me hate myself, I can't keep letting him walk over me for something I can't control.

    cheers for letting me rant.
    As a gay man myself I can really relate to the problems you're having particularly with your Dad. Mine was similar at first but his opinions have turned and he is now as accepting as anyone about it all. I'd say be patient and try and reason rather than being argumentative or shouting and screaming about things. At times it is all you're going to want to do but making a logical point in a calm way will hit home a lot more with him I would say.

    It isn't going to get easier quickly but he definitely doesn't hate you. He just doesn't understand it and he is finding it tough to get his head round. He should love you unconditionally but it is tough for older generations where attitudes were very different to just flick a switch and change their attitudes. Time will be key for him. If you ever need to chat I'm here.
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