Disclaimer: The following thread is for comedic purposes only. It's sole intention is to bring laughter and smiles to all members of the WrestlingClique forums and is in no way supposed to be taken seriously. It is my hope that my sense of humor will give you a chuckle and maybe give your day a little light.
And if not, then I'm sure one of the mods or admins will let me know and shut down the thread.
So anyway...let's begin!
From fresh-faced nobody to rapping Doctor of Thuganomics to the Commander in Chief of the Cenation, WWE's ever-stalwart figurehead has always portrayed himself as the white knight, the man who always does what's right and never compromises his beliefs...
OR DOES HE?!
Yes, despite what the WWE would have you believe, John Cena is a despicable monster who does nothing but ruin lives of everybody he's ever come into contact with. Sure, at one time even I believed that he was a good man and a fine face for the company, but no longer! My eyes are wide open and see the Truth for what it is, and I feel that it is my duty and obligation to share this Truth with all of you. As we move forward, I will be presenting evidence of John Cena's heinous and reprehensible actions to show every wrestling fan who's ever logged onto this site "The Champ's" true nature.
I must warn you though...some of what you are about to see and hear is very graphic. Viewer and reader discretion is advised.
Exhibit A: Zack Ryder
The most recent of John Cena's victims is by far his most aggregious of sins. Here you have Zack Ryder, a young man who managed to get himself a fan base without the backing of the WWE Universe and even managed to secure and win the prestigious United States Championship. So what does John Cena, the supposed "Paragon" of the WWE do?
Now, on the surface, it just looks like John's showing support for his friend, but in reality he is clearly trying to get the rub off of Zack Ryder's recent success. Which is an act of pure egotism, since John's already the top guy on the brand!
But ignoring that for a second, let us talk about John's recent skirmishes with the Big Red Monster, Kane, who is attempting to get John to stop pretending and embrace his true self (a noble cause if ever I've seen one). But Kane, regardless of his intents, is a monster and therefore cannot be blamed for his actions as they are in his nature. But John, instead of bringing the fight directly to Kane, instead gets his "friends" involved in his wars:
This would continue on for weeks, as John would consistently put Zack Ryder and the woman he loves, Eve Torres, into danger every single Monday Night Raw. Zack's injuries due to John's actions would play a huge part in Zack's loss of the US Title, and due to the severity of the injuries inflicted by Kane as a message to Cena, Ryder's very career is now in serious question.
But oh, it doesn't end there, my friends! For Cena would commit even greater atrocities to poor Zack Ryder...
Yes, my friends...John Cena kisses (and by transitive property, steals) Zack Ryder's beloved. What kind of man...a married man...would do that to his supposed friend? I'll tell you...a heartless bastard who wants nothing but to take any joy out of other people's lives! But even that wasn't low enough for Cena...oh, no!
Your eyes don't deceive you. That is, in fact, John Cena threatening to inflict physical violence on a clearly crippled human being. But it turns out that just being near John Cena is poisonous, as Kane would be the vessel that further injured what was once a promising young star.
John Cena: adulterer, terrible friend, and now an accesory to assault and battery.
I have more evidence to present at a later time, but perhaps there is someone delusional enough to defend this monster...